Why I started The Girls’ Club; Building a Women’s Community to Combat Loneliness in North Yorkshire.

Joanne Burton Photography by Bec Hudson-Smith

Loneliness is usually impossible to spot, but it is often near, hiding behind large crowds and busy schedules or the quiet moments in between. Its prolonged effects can be extremely damaging, leading to low mood, stress, anxiety and a sense of isolation.

When I relocated back to my hometown of York in 2020, I learnt what loneliness was. I started The Girls’ Club because I was suffering with loneliness. I was surrounded by people but, because of a variety of factors, could not have felt more isolated and alone. You would never have guessed that this was happening to me, and a past me would have been mortified to ever admit it, but when you look at the statistics and meet people who have been through the same or similar things, you realise how common it is.

I started The Girls’ Club in my local pub at the end of 2023, and it has changed my life (and hopefully the lives of many others) dramatically. When I first put The Girls’ Club online, I had no idea what it was. I knew that I needed more of a purpose, and that I understood that loneliness was a huge problem in York, but I couldn’t have predicted quite how many other women in York and the surrounding areas felt the same as I did.

The Girls' Club x Reclaim Your Lane Event Photography by Bec Hudson-Smith

Many people, myself included, enjoy spending time and participating in activities alone. This is not the same as the feeling of loneliness. As a teacher, my own loneliness had manifested into working long hours, well into the evenings, and hating school holidays, where I wasn’t busy and was out of routine, which I quickly realised is not the general consensus in the majority of school staff. Like many others, I was ashamed of my loneliness, so I played along with the countdowns to the next half term, cheering with my colleagues as the long awaited final weeks of term crept up on me. 

Having grown up in York, you would assume that I would just slot back into an old way of life when I moved back there fresh from a break up at the end of 2020.

I had lived in London for a number of years and been through a life-changing breakup before moving back to my hometown, leaving the life and friendships I had built to continue without me in the big smoke.

Of course, slotting back into a forgotten life really wasn’t the case. The few people that I actually still had anything in common with from York, had moved away. The obvious place people look for new friends as an adult is at work. I started a new job in a new school mid-covid, so I could only see my colleagues via a screen most of the time. Because of these factors, I found myself slipping deeper into a pit of loneliness, which was becoming harder and harder to escape from. 

Fast forward three years, I knew that I had made massive strides in supporting myself and getting myself to a better place. I understood how it felt to be in such a dark place, and to feel like you would never escape. On the flip side, I knew how it felt to have people around me, to talk to, laugh with and experience life with. I knew that I wanted every woman in York to be able to access that too, and so The Girls’ Club was born.

I didn’t have any sort of plan as to where I would take The Girls’ Club when I first presented the idea, that fateful October night in The Crooked Tap. All I knew is that I wanted there to be a space in York where women could connect and build friendships and to eradicate the stigma around loneliness once and for all. 

When planning the first party, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I had enlisted my two best pals (because I had worked hard to build new connections in York in that three year gap), and we cobbled together our idea of a good night. We offered the tickets for free, because I honestly thought that it would just be the three of us in the bar we had hired for the night. Imagine my surprise when all of the tickets were snapped up in less than a week, nearly two months before the actual party, and the waiting list grew to be as long as the ticket holder list.

Turns out, women really need connection, and at the event there were women there from all walks of life. We had women who had lived in York their entire lives and women who had moved across the world to be in York. We had newly single women who wanted to rebuild a friendship group after being reliant on a partner for so long, and we had women who were happily married with children.

That first night showed us just how powerful this idea could be. 

Today, The Girls’ Club hosts multiple events a month in two locations across North Yorkshire. From wellness to wild parties, and book clubs to crafting and quizzes, the aim is that there is something every woman would feel comfortable attending, and we get to have a whole lot of fun along the way. 

Maybe I’m biased but I am a firm believer that The Girls’ Club is fulfilling its aims of supporting women to build connections, and eradicating loneliness in York and Harrogate. There is nothing I enjoy more than standing back at an event (with a glass of wine in hand), and watching women have the confidence to socialise with people they have never previously met. 

We decided to be really self-indulgent and get some feedback from some regular attendees. If it was to be anything like sending out a Google Form at my day job, I would need to send out eight email reminders before giving up when only 10% of staff have answered. Turns out people are more keen to give feedback when they’re not being paid. Weird, who knew. Or maybe they just like me more than my colleagues do.

The responses were as heart-warming as they were a stark reminder of why we so desperately need connection in real life. Women were keen to share their stories of newfound confidence, friendship and personal healing.

“I think learning from the first event that everyone is so open and friendly really put me at ease to arrive to all the other events alone. Jo, Emma and Polly are excellent at mingling with everyone and including people in conversations and putting people at ease.” 

“I’ve met some creative, interesting, strong and talented women. I’ve been very unwell and this has helped as part of my recovery of finding joy.”

Why does all of this matter? Why are you reading this self-indulgent blog from somebody who started a community and helped some people to make some friends?

The Girls’ Club isn’t about me. It’s about the removal of stigma in York and Harrogate around loneliness in adult women, whilst encouraging people to not be reliant on partners and imparting the knowledge that it is never too late in life to meet new people and make new friends.

These safe spaces are not just a place for women to meet other women and find someone to go for a coffee or glass of wine with. They are a place for women to be themselves, and discover their true voice. They are a place where there is no judgement regarding what your background might be, and where everyone is valued for the courage they have shown to step out of their comfort zone and meet new people. There is an unspoken sisterhood, as everybody is there for similar reasons. Loneliness may not often be a point of discussion at an event, but it is usually a strong, but hidden, link between the women attending. One community for women, where they can feel empowered and supported, can create a ripple effect of mental health awareness, self-confidence and further communities popping up with the aim of eradicating loneliness further afield.

It’s time to stop the notion that people can only meet their forever friends at school or university and stay in that group forever; building friendships as an adult is equally as important. Friendships are fluid and ever-changing. We don’t live our lives aligned with our friends, so things are bound to change. Opening spaces where adults can meet new people and allow their social circle to evolve are imperative to reduce loneliness. It’s not just about meeting new friends, it’s about rethinking our social habits and how we perceive connection.

If you have ever felt the same way as I did, I implore you to join us. There is always a space for you with The Girls’ Club.