Ten Life Lessons I Learnt from The University of Life

Just a cute picture of me, pretending to know what I'm talking about. Captured by Bec Hudson Smith.

Despite having many letters after my name, I haven’t actually graduated from The University of Life, but I assume that at some point in the next few years, I will be given an honorary doctorate for my contributions to the lives of the women in North Yorkshire. As my submission in part fulfilment towards the degree of MSc The Girls’ Club (coming to a university of life near you soon), here are 10 things I have learnt since turning thirty.

NB - I actually wrote this list about two years ago when I was head of The Single Girls’ Club, but am only just letting it see the light of day. Basically, ignore the bits about being single because I was too lazy to edit them.

1.     No message is a message in itself.

We are living in the 21st century. Gone are the days of your inbox only being able to hold 10 text messages so they couldn’t be delivered if you didn’t clear it. Nowadays 95% of people are glued to their phone (this is not fact checked), or they at least have it on them. If your latest “boyfriend”, or even just one of your friends, isn’t replying to you then there’s probably a reason. It could be that they are busy (although who is busy for three days and can’t message someone back?) or the likelihood is, if they can’t make the time to respond to you, they’re just not that interested and they’re probably not worth your time.

2.     Don’t take criticism from somebody that you wouldn’t take advice from.

As humans, we are always so quick to judge, and a lot of the time people do this purely to make themselves feel better about themselves. This is basically exactly what it says on the tin. If there is someone in your life who perhaps you don’t see eye to eye with, or maybe you just live your lives in very different ways, so therefore you wouldn’t want advice from them, remember that if you wouldn’t trust them on something positive, why would you then trust them on something negative? If you are so different to someone that their advice would not be fitting with your life, then so is their criticism.

I hate to say it, but this kind of goes for those friends who have been in relationships their whole life and think that navigating single life is a walk in the park. You know the ones, the ones who say things like “have you tried the apps?”, as if it’s that easy to just meet someone you actually fancy. They have the best intentions, but really, do we want to take their advice when they’ve never experienced something? Don’t let someone who has never been in your shoes tell you how to tie them.

3.     Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

I am so guilty of this. When I get an idea into my head, I want it to come to fruition immediately and I cannot wait any longer for it to happen. This is not a sustainable way to live your life. Whilst we are constantly reminded that we are getting older and that we will look back on these years and wish we were able to relive them, it’s important to keep in mind that you have your whole life to achieve whatever you desire. No one ever really knows what they want to be when they grow up so changing your mind or starting on a new path is totally fine. Despite what you (and I) may think, you really don’t have to have your life together by the time you hit thirty.

Here I am with my wee pals. Captured by Bec Hudson Smith.

4.     Your space is a reflection of your mind.

When my mental health is declining, it becomes very clear in my surroundings. I like to be organised, so when things start to get messy, plates stop being washed up, bed sheets stay on for longer than usual and the washing starts piling up, that is a sure fire sign that I am not okay. When I am in a good place, I love nothing more than making sure I am living in a tidy and welcoming environment. If you feel overwhelmed, have a go at tidying out some cupboards. I find that decluttering IRL can help with decluttering in your mind. I know I’ve said it already, but I really mean it - Had a shitty week? Have a Sunday reset and get all of those jobs around the house done so that you feel more ready to tackle the week ahead and make a change. Sometimes it sounds like too much, sometimes all we want to do is lay in bed, which is fine too. If it’s tough, have a go at setting a short timer, like twenty minutes, and then see how much you can get done in that short space of time. I am a firm believer that a tidy house = a tidy mind.

5.     You are not a chameleon.

This pretty closely links with number seven of being you but not being a chameleon means being true to yourself, no matter who you are around. It’s difficult because we naturally want to please the people we are around, and it is something that I still struggle with sometimes for fear of being judged. You will feel a million times more comfortable if you always behave as yourself and don’t adapt your personality or your likes/dislikes depending on who you are with. People can sense when you are less comfortable, and ultimately have more respect for you when you are honest and stand by your own morals rather than mould yourself to fit into theirs.

6.     It was fun because you were there.

How many times have you looked back on a relationship and thought something along the lines of “we had such a fun time together, they’re probably having that fun with someone else now”? Well, if you have, you are wrong. Sure, they might be having fun elsewhere but it’s so key to remember that you were 50% of that relationship. They weren’t having fun on their own, they were having fun because of you. You brought at least 50% (probably more…I usually bring about 95% of the fun) of that fun, and if you weren’t there, then there would not have been any fun. You are the fun.

7.     Be 100% unapologetically you.

I like to think that this is me, but it hasn’t always been that way. I am a genuine believer that

Being unapologetically me with some really glowing skin! Captured by Bec Hudson Smith.

you get to a certain age as a woman (around 30) and you just know wholeheartedly who you are. I very rarely ever do anything that I don’t particularly want to do now, because I am not trying to please anyone but myself. If something is not my thing, I will simply say that rather than giving crappy excuses. I love being me and knowing that I am comfortable in what I’m doing and fighting for what I believe is right. Not too much fighting though. My mother often reminds me not to fall out with someone or get angry with them. Can’t help it if they’re irritating or an idiot though.

If you don’t feel like you know who 100% you is, then do your best to find out. Get experimental so you can work out what you like, and what you don’t like. In all areas of your life. And when you are being you, make sure you own it. I sometimes wonder, what have I brought my mother in this life, how can I compete with my sister? She has given her a grandchild and an occasion to wear a hat and all I have brought her is a headache. But I also try and own it. I have given my mum something to talk about every time she meets up with her friends, and they should all be grateful for me keeping that conversation flowing.

8.     All behaviour is some sort of method of communication.

If you ever become a teacher (don’t), you’ll probably hear this about children at some point (at many points), but the same goes for all human beings. If someone is behaving in a peculiar way, being a massive dick or even being overly nice, there is always a reason behind it. No one acts up just because they want to. The behaviour is masking something, and you will get along much more easily in life if you can remember and recognise this in other people, rather than reacting/retaliating at them (easier said than done when I have literally just said that I am the one that’s mother warns them not to fall out with people). Basically, just be nice to everyone you encounter. Nicer than I am. And if someone is being a dick, kill them with kindness. Nothing is worse than when you want to wind someone up or have it out with them and they’re nothing but nice to you.

9.     If you want something, go for it.

To some extent, in this life, words are meaningless. What I mean by this is, if you want something but all you do is talk about it, then you are never going to get it. No one wants to be that 90 year old who looks back and thinks “what if..?”. Stop sitting around talking about things and make them happen. You might not succeed, but there’s also a chance that you will so it’s always worth giving things a try. This could be something as little as wanting to buy something new for your home but you don’t know if it’ll match the décor. Or it could be as huge as a career change, buying a house or having a baby.

And don’t give a shit about what anybody else thinks or has to say about you going after something new. Nobody has ever become successful without there being people who say things like “that’s weird” along the way. Say you want to be an influencer. You aren’t going to wake up one morning with 200k followers and a million views of your video. When you start out posting content that’s only getting 50 views, it’s 50 more than you had before. Maybe it is a bit weird, but you have to build the whole block of flats before you can get the penthouse, and then you’re laughing.

10. Stay hydrated.

This is mostly just a ‘note to self’ thing. I have the darkest wee you could possibly imagine. Go into a brewery sometime and ask to see their darkest beer and that’ll be about the colour of my wee. I didn’t even realise your wee was supposed to be clear until I was at university and my housemate did a urine sample for a chlamydia test and I thought she had filled up the pot with water. I won’t list them as I’m sure you know, but being hydrated has so many benefits that aren’t just clear wee, so get sip sipping on that H2O.